I never saw myself as a "blogger" and I still kinda don't. I saw myself as this dork who ventured into a world so out of her comfort zone. But it was a process -- a process that has helped me grow, learn more about myself and become more me (or "centered"). Now before you close this tab convinced that I have become a hippie, let me finish. For the Love of Dessert is my peace. I had a mentor who taught me the importance of quality of life and how so much of your professional life can hinge on the happiness of your personal life (and vice versa). I have used this outlet as my diary to share my inner most thoughts and feelings, my life events and my passions. I think I would not be as happy as I am, if I never made that bold step to start this blog ;)
And so I want to be open about why I was so sad. Last October, I submitted an NIDA grant. To my surprise -- I got scored! Although it got scored, it was not funded. So I resubmitted (you only get one resubmission). Well I got the feedback on Tuesday and this time....I did not get scored?!?! Meaning I did worse! All I remembered was this incredible sinking feeling, being so confused and flabbergasted that my nightmare (not my dream) came true?!?! I felt so disappointed in myself. To think of all those hours ... my hopes, my dreams, my aspirations that this grant held for me ...just thrown away....that I just was not good enough....broke me down. And I just cried...and cried. But in my withdrawn time, I have decided a few a things. I refuse to let my professional life, define who I am. I want -- me -- and not what I do, to be who I am. And I refuse to just give up and be defeated -- but that just like everything, this has been a process for me, one in which I still need time to mend my feelings.
But with all sad moments, some cheer is needed. And what better way to cheer me up than chocolate! CHOCOLATE! Well, one of the candy bars that I stocked up on during my after-Halloween hoarding spree was Mr. Goodbar. I love Mr. Goodbars. I mean they are so GOOD. I used to buy those Hershey miniature bags just so I could eat the Mr. Goodbars. I am guessing, there were a lot of other people like me, because you can now buy a large Mr. Goodbar (like those large Hershey bars) or fun size Mr. Goodbar bags of chocolate! Absolutely perfect. I thought what better way to incorporate one of my favorite chocolates, than to put it in a pudding cookie! I know, I know, I just made Pumpkin Spice Chocolate Chip Pudding Cookies. But they were such a big hit, that I thought I'd keep with the pudding cookie theme, because I love them! It was delicious! A soft peanut-butter pudding cookie with Mr. Goodbar chocolate chunks?!? Yes, PLEASE :) It was oh, so wonderful! And just what I needed.
Preheat Oven to 350F Degrees
3 c. flour
1 1/2 tsp. baking soda
1 (3.4-3.56 oz) vanilla pudding mix
1 1/2 stick of butter, softened
1/2 c. creamy peanut butter
1/2 c. sugar
3/4 c. brown sugar
2 eggs, room temperature
1 tbsp. honey (optional)
2 tsp. vanilla
10.35 oz. bag of fun size Mr. Goodbars (broken into pieces)
In a large bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda, and vanilla pudding mix. Set aside.
In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with paddle attachment, cream together butter, peanut butter, and sugars on medium-high until light a fluffy, about 3-5 minutes. Then add in eggs, one a time, scraping down bowl after each addition; followed by honey and vanilla. Once wet ingredients have been combined, reduce to low speed and add in dry ingredients. Mix until just incorporated. Fold in Mr. Goodbar chunks.
Line baking sheet with baking mat, aluminum foil, parchment or wax paper. Scoop out 1 1/2-2 inch, cookie dough balls onto sheet (roll between the palm of your hands for a nice round shape). Space the cookies 2 inches apart. Slightly flatten the cookies using the palm of your hand. Bake for 8-10 minutes. Let cool for 5 minutes before transferring to cooling rack.